December 24, 2024|כ"ג כסלו ה' אלפים תשפ"ה Vayeshev 5785 - How Should We Define Success? By Rabbi Beni Krohn

If you sat down at your table this afternoon and asked everyone this question: “How do you define success?”  I imagine there would be a whole host of answers, and likely a lively discussion. The Torah weighs in on this conversation this week. After Yosef has been taken down to Egypt, he finds himself as a slave in the home of Potiphar.  And slowly but surely things start to get a little better.  Says the Torah:

(ב) וַיְהִי יְקֹוָק אֶת יוֹסֵף וַיְהִי אִישׁ מַצְלִיחַ וַיְהִי בְּבֵית אֲדֹנָיו הַמִּצְרִי:

And Hashem was with Yosef, and he was a Successful Person in the home of his master the Egyptian.

(ג) וַיַּרְא אֲדֹנָיו כִּי יְקֹוָק אִתּוֹ וְכֹל אֲשֶׁר הוּא עֹשֶׂה יְקֹוָק מַצְלִיחַ בְּיָדוֹ:

And his master saw that Hashem was with him, and everything he did, Hashem helped him find success.

  (ד) וַיִּמְצָא יוֹסֵף חֵן בְּעֵינָיו וַיְשָׁרֶת אֹתוֹ וַיַּפְקִדֵהוּ עַל בֵּיתוֹ וְכָל יֶשׁ לוֹ נָתַן בְּיָדוֹ:  

And Yosef found favor in his eyes, and he served him, and Potiphar made him in charge of his entire home and everything he owned.

This is a meteoric rise for Yosef from a slave into the head of Potiphar’s household.  But what is fascinating is the language the Torah uses to describe Yosef: ISH MATZLIACH.  A Successful Man.Because if you think about it, it’s kind of a strange way to describe Yosef if you know the whole story.  Here is a young man who clearly had special potential but know how to manage it.  He makes everyone around him jealous and frustrated, his own siblings want to murder him, and instead they throw him in a pit and sell him into slavery.  And, of course, as the story continues, Yosef will once again be thrown into jail for years!  Is this the storyline for an ISH MATZLIACH!  A MAN OF SUCCESS!?

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch writes that the word in Hebrew for success, צלח, is similar in its structure to two other words: שלח, which means to send, and סלח, which means to forgive.

-        שלח means to set something in motion toward a goal.

-       סלח, which literally means to forgive, can really mean to allow progress by removing an obstacle.  An unforgiven sin is an obstruction in the path of a person’s life.  It causes us to feel restrained, held back.  סליחה, forgiveness, loosens the knot and allows unhindered progress.

If you put the two together, then צלח, or success means: To advance to a goal by overcoming all obstacles.

According to Rav Hirsch, the key to success it that you have to have שלח goals, we have to have a mission.  But the more important one is SALACH, that when you have setbacks, when things don’t go our way, we have to be ready to forgive ourselves and move forward. And if the definition of HATZLACHA, of SUCCCESS is NOT how much money we earn, the praise we receive from others, or the positions we hold, but rather our willingness to continue to press forward even when so much difficulty is thrown our way, then we understand why Yosef is the ultimate ISH MATZLIACH.

Yosef is DEFINED by his ability to constantly RESTART HIMSELF.  Every time he is down, he comes back even stronger.  The Torah even uses the most intense imagery with regard to Yosef.  He is literally thrown in a BOR, a pit, the LOWEST PLACE A PERSON COULD EVER BE PLACED!  And even the jail, the second terrible low place he is sent is also referred to as the BOR, the pit, reflecting just how FAR DOWN HE HAD FALLEN.  And yet, each time, Yosef doesn’t give up, he finds a way to stay positive, put himself to good use, and to get back up. The Torah is telling us that the definition of SUCCESS, of HATZLACHA is NOT our ACHIEVEMENTS, but our willingness to set goals, and even when we falter, even when we fail, to forgive ourselves or forgive others, and be willing to get back on the horse.

In 1978, Dr. Dabney Ewin, a surgeon specializing in burns, was on duty in a New Orleans emergency room, and he began adding an unorthodox practice to his regimen: He talked to his patients about anger and forgiveness. He noticed that people coming into the ER with burns were often very angry, and not without reason. They were, as he put it, “all burned up,” both literally and figuratively. Hurt and in severe pain due to their own reckless mistake or someone else’s, as they described the accident that left them burned, their words were tinged with angry guilt or blame. He concluded that their anger may have been interfering with their ability to heal by preventing them from relaxing and focusing on getting better. “I was listening to my patients and feeling what they were feeling,” Ewin told me. “It became obvious that this had to be dealt with. Their attitude affected the healing of their burns, and this was particularly true of skin grafts. With someone who’s real angry, we’d put three or four skin grafts on, but his body would reject them.” Whenever a patient seemed angry, Ewin would help them forgive themselves or the person who hurt them, either through a simple conversation or through hypnosis.

In the years that followed, fascinating research has come out on the connection between forgiveness of oneself and of others and healing.  Forgiveness therapy has been found to improve blood flow to the heart in patients with coronary heart disease, it has helped patients with anxiety and depression improve more quickly.  Multiple studies have shown that forgiveness elevates mood and increases optimism, while not forgiving is positively correlated with depression, anxiety, and hostility.The bottom line is that the more we can utilize the power of סלח, of forgiving ourselves and others, the more הצלחה we are likely to experience.

The pasuk says in Tehillim 30:

(יב) הָפַכְתָּ מִסְפְּדִי לְמָחוֹל לִי פִּתַּחְתָּ שַׂקִּי וַתְּאַזְּרֵנִי שִׂמְחָה:

You have turned my sadness into dancing, you have opened my bag and strengthened me with joy!

How does opening someone’s bag give a person joy!?

Rav Avraham Schorr explains beautifully: The answer is the bag, the SAK, represents the BAGGAGE we all carry with us from years of trying and failing and trying again.  And Dovid HaMelech davens to HKBH, help me LIGHTEN THAT BURDEN, help me EMPTY THE BAG, because once I do, I’ll be able to find simcha in life.